We have all heard theories about how our parents influence our dating life. Some people say that we tend to date people that look like our parents. Others believe we look for romantic partners who can provide us with what our parents did not. While all of these theories sound a little cringe, we all have a close friend or even a sibling that ends up proving some of these theories right.

What is Object Relations Theory?Who Founded Object Relations Theory?How Does Object Relations Theory Work?Donald Winnicott and the “Good Enough” MotherWhy Is Object Relations Theory Important?

What is Object Relations Theory?

Who Founded Object Relations Theory?

How Does Object Relations Theory Work?

Donald Winnicott and the “Good Enough” Mother

Why Is Object Relations Theory Important?

For simplicity and looking at this theory in the larger world of psychoanalysis, we will focus strictly on the work of two psychologists known for their ideas on Object Relations Theory: Melanie Klein and Donald Winnicott.

Melanie Klein was already a mother when she discovered the already well-known theories of psychoanalysis. She had reached out to a psychoanalyst for treatment. Her dissatisfaction and unhappy marriage had been wearing on her. Still, with the help of psychoanalysis, she left her marriage and devoted her life to furthering the study of the development of the psyche.

At the time, Freud had been working with young children, but he didn’t believe that he could tap into theirunconscious minds. A mother herself, Klein found ways to observe children’s behaviors and development through play and other means. She was one of the first modern psychologists to study infants.

What she gathered from her observations eventually became Object Relations Theory.

This theory examined how relationships formed the psyche and led to the child’s development (and later, the adult.) Rather than taking Freud’s approach of focusing on the repression of the sex and death urges, Klein focused on the relationships that children build with their parents.

About Objects in Object Relations Theory

Good Breast Vs. Bad Breast

This is where a mother’s love and attention may influence a person’s dating life. At first, a person may see their partner as a good breast. The minute the partner makes a mistake, they become a “bad breast,” and the person cannot get to a place where they once again see the partner as “good breast.” The two concepts are completely different and separate, even though both “good breast” and “bad breast” are both breasts.

Object Relations Theory and Mental Disorders

Of course, not everyone sees the world as “good” and “bad.” And not everyone with a less-than-stable upbringing is stuck in this mindset, either. Klein believes that children who can only see objects as good or bad are in a “paranoid-schizoid position.” They may exit that position and enter the “depressive position,” in which they can see people as the complicated beings that they are. The child stops projecting or making assumptions about a person and allows them to be who they are.

When “good” and “bad” or “love” and “hate” can be applied to the same person, Klein (and Freud) believe that the child enters a state of ambivalence. Until they reach that state, however, the child (or adult) may have some destructive tendencies or display different signs of anxiety.

Klein’s object relations theory, along with many other theories highlighting the importance of a child’s early years, puts much pressure on a mother. You don’t see Melanie Klein discussing how a father’s chest influences how the child sees the rest of the world! And as any mother knows, it’s close to impossible to feed your child every time that they cry for milk or food. Does this make you a bad mother? Not at all – especially considering how object relation theory evolved.

Donald Winnicott was a pediatrician who became a psychoanalyst under Melanie Klien. As the two observed children, Winnicott formed his ideas on how the mother influenced her child. His picture of the “good enough” wasn’t just more reasonable for busy moms – it offered a justification for letting your child get frustrated now and again. Not all “normal,” highly functioning children have perfect parents, and Donald Winnicott’s theory may explain why.

What Is the “Good Enough” Mother?

Like many facets of psychoanalysis and even behaviorism, psychologists focused a lot on how to prevent problems rather than improving your situation. Any bad habit or type of anxiety was immediately traced back to a patient’s mother and their ability to provide for their children. If the mother wasn’t perfect, many believed, they would run the risk of “messing their child up.” Winnicott’s ideas gave mothers more room to expose their children to frustration and not attend to their needs immediately. However, the line between a “good enough” mother and one who was not attentive remained thin in Winnicott’s time.

Psychologists do not believe that the mother can be blamed for all mental disorders or symptoms of anxiety today. Instead, we have moved from Freud’s early ideas to a combination of looking at brain chemistry, extrinsic motivation, and even how we talk to ourselves in our minds. Object relations theory and the larger work of the psychoanalysts still influence therapists, psychologists, and other mental health experts today.

Reference this article:Practical Psychology. (2021, May).Objects Relation Theory (Psychology Definition).Retrieved from https://practicalpie.com/objects-relation-theory/.Practical Psychology. (2021, May). Objects Relation Theory (Psychology Definition). Retrieved from https://practicalpie.com/objects-relation-theory/.Copy

Reference this article:

Practical Psychology. (2021, May).Objects Relation Theory (Psychology Definition).Retrieved from https://practicalpie.com/objects-relation-theory/.Practical Psychology. (2021, May). Objects Relation Theory (Psychology Definition). Retrieved from https://practicalpie.com/objects-relation-theory/.Copy

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