How do you know what restaurants are good and which are bad? When you sit down at those restaurants, how do you know what customs are appropriate and what behaviors are not? How do you know whether the people in that restaurant like you or not? The answer to all of these questions, for many people, is the same. We look at other people to determine the decisions that we make and how we view ourselves. At least, that’s what the idea of the “looking glass self” suggests.

This page is all about the looking glass self: who first introduced this idea, how it compares to other theories in social psychology, and whether this way of assessing ourselves is healthy. You may find that using the opinions of others doesn’t form an accurate picture of yourself.

What Is the Looking Glass Self?Who Introduced the Idea of the Looking Glass Self?What Are the Three Stages of the Looking Glass Self?Examples of The Looking Glass SelfHow Does the Looking Glass Self Affect Self-Esteem?

What Is the Looking Glass Self?

Who Introduced the Idea of the Looking Glass Self?

What Are the Three Stages of the Looking Glass Self?

Examples of The Looking Glass Self

How Does the Looking Glass Self Affect Self-Esteem?

The Looking-glass Self is an idea in sociology that suggests we form an opinion of ourselves based on how we think people see us. In other words, if we were to look at ourselves in a mirror, our reflection would show us the person our peers think we are.

This means that how we see ourselves certainly changes depending on the people we surround ourselves with. Social media has also significantly changed how we assess ourselves based on the assessments of others.

Charles Horton Cooley introduced the idea of the “looking-glass self” in 1902. Cooley conducted many studies to understand this process and published his ideas in the bookHuman Nature and the Social Order.He describes three steps to developing the looking-glass self.

According to Cooley, a person goes through three stages as they develop their sense of self:

You might notice yourself doing this without even realizing it! Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and thought, “these people are going to hate me” or “they’re not going to like what I’m wearing”? You’ve already gone through all three steps of the looking-glass self!

Let’s break this down into a few examples.

Fancy Wedding With Strangers

Sleepover With Friends

On the other hand, you know your good friends will accept you no matter what you wear or how you come dressed to events. Before a sleepover, you decide to wear a funny, comfortable shirt and put your hair in a messy bun. You know that your friends will get a kick out of the shirt and won’t judge you for looking sloppier than you would at work. This is a great feeling. You know that what matters to your friends is your sense of humor and the kindness that you’ve offered them over the years. What a great way to feel before a sleepover!

Code-Switching As You Go Throughout the Day

Here’s an example of a man who code-switches throughout the day, from the blackmen subreddit:

“I mean for the most part, it’s second nature and I don’t really notice it. But the time it’s really taxing is when people from two different worlds meet.

For example, my work friends meet my irl friends. I act one way at work and a completely different way with my irl friends. Trying to find a balance between the two versions of myself can be exhausting.

Another instance for me doesn’t have to do with being black, but with being gay. I code switch when I go to a hyper-masculine environment, like a barbershop, especially a black barbershop. I turn up the AAVE and turn down any overt mannerisms that can be seen as feminine.

Like I get why code switching was/is necessary, but it does get tiring every so often.”

This man code-switches because he has gone through the three stages of the looking-glass self and decided that behaving a certain way in front of certain groups of people will increase or decrease his chances of acceptance. Yes, this can be exhausting, but it’s worth it if he feels accepted at the end of the day.

Code-switching and assessing yourself based on other people’s judgments can be exhausting. No one wants to view themselves through the eyes of another person only to come to the conclusion that they are unfavorable or unacceptable.

According to Cooley’s theory, we use the judgments of others to judge ourselves. After all, we learn acceptable behaviors from other people our entire lives! (It’s our parents who taught us how to behave, our friends at school who taught us how to share, and our teachers who taught us how to work hard.)

If we surround ourselves with people who constantly hype us up and let us know that they love us, we are likely to feel positive about ourselves. We see what they see: a wonderful person with a good heart, good intentions, or good looks.

But what happens when people - either some or all people - may judge us for who we are or how we look? At best, with conflicting opinions, we feel confused about who we are and how we’re meant to feel about ourselves. At worst, we see how people judge other people like us and turn that on ourselves.

Cooley says nothing in his theory about thevalidityof a person’s judgments. And frankly, people can be very skewed in their judgments of others! That’s why it’s important to consider who you surround yourself with when you see yourself through the eyes of others.

How Changing Your Community Can Change Your View of Yourself

Which group of people is “correct” in their assessment of you? It depends on who you ask. Which group of people is going to make you feel better about yourself? According to Cooley’s theory, the answer is obvious.

Related posts:Glass Delusion (Bodies Made of Glass)Satisficing (Definition + Examples)Generalized Other (Psychology Definition + Example)Self Concept Theory in PsychologySocial Roles in Psychology (Examples)

Reference this article:Practical Psychology. (2022, November).Looking Glass Self Theory.Retrieved from https://practicalpie.com/looking-glass-self-theory/.Practical Psychology. (2022, November). Looking Glass Self Theory. Retrieved from https://practicalpie.com/looking-glass-self-theory/.Copy

Reference this article:

Practical Psychology. (2022, November).Looking Glass Self Theory.Retrieved from https://practicalpie.com/looking-glass-self-theory/.Practical Psychology. (2022, November). Looking Glass Self Theory. Retrieved from https://practicalpie.com/looking-glass-self-theory/.Copy

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