“You’re gaslighting me!” In recent years, the phrase has evolved from a serious accusation to a hot topic of discussion on TikTok, to a joke. With all this talk about what gaslighting is and isn’t, people whoarebeing gaslit and abused may find themselves confused as to whether their partner, parent, or authority figure’s behavior is actually a red flag. Through these examples of gaslighting, you should be able to discern what is gaslighting and what is a normal, although sometimes uncomfortable, conversation between two people.

What Is Gaslighting?

Examples of Common Gaslighting Techniques

Examples of Gaslighting From Reddit Users

Gaslighting is a manipulation technique in which an abuser makes a victim question their own reality. Through techniques like obfuscation, trivializing, and straight-up denial, the victim begins to believe that they are “going crazy,” or that they are something they are not.

First, let’s start with what gaslighting looks like.

Common gaslighting techniques include:

Obfuscation

Obfuscation is the process of making something confusing, unclear, or obscure. All the examples you’re about to read may sound like small instances of miscommunication at first, but over time, they can become dangerous patterns that make a person question their own sanity.

Let’s say you and a partner are discussing your expectations for a Christmas party at your partner’s work. You don’t know their coworkers and want to know what’s an appropriate outfit for the party. Your partner responds back with contradicting terms: they’re laid-back but have high expectations. The venue is nice but you’ll be judged if you dress too formally. You shouldn’t introduce yourself but don’t stay in the corner all night. This is confusing, and you feel like no matter what you do or what you wear, you’ll be doing something wrong.

Withholding

An abuser may pretend like they don’t know what a victim is talking about, making the victim believe that they are not communicating their feelings properly, even if they are. An example of this is simply a person telling their partner, “I don’t know what you mean,” over and over again. The partner may try to communicate their feelings in multiple ways, but the person is just refusing to understand the partner’s message without asking follow-up questions or making an effort to be on the same page with their partner.

Countering

Let’s say a man goes to a party with his girlfriend. The girlfriend maybe has one or two drinks but remembers everything that happened at the party. When the man tells the girlfriend she did something terrible at the party, the girlfriend says she didn’t. She claims she remembers everything that happened at the party, but the man counters her and says she was so drunk there’s no way she could remember anything. The girlfriend begins to question her drinking habits and whether she actually did the thing the man said she did.

Blocking and Diverting

When confronted, an abuser may use blocking and diverting as a way to avoid being held accountable for their actions. Blocking and diverting takes place when someone controls a conversation as a way to divert from what a victim actually wants to communicate.

For example, a woman may confront her partner about their promise to do the dishes and other chores. The chores weren’t done, even though the partner promised they would get them done. Instead of making excuses or promising to do the chores, the partner changes the conversation and asks why the woman was out all day. Was she cheating? Was she hanging out with people the partner doesn’t like? Was she leaving the house to avoid being around the partner all day? This strategy helps the partner avoid accountability regarding the chores, and instead turns the accusations on the woman, who is left questioning whether her partner’s concerns were more valid than hers.

Trivializing

When a person trivializes another person’s needs or concerns, the person starts to minimize their feelings and ignore their gut reactions. For example, a woman may tell her partner that she wants them to meet her parents. Her parents are a big part of her life, she tells them, and if her parents don’t approve, she won’t feel comfortable in the relationship. The partner refuses to meet the parents and tells the woman that meeting family isn’t as important as she thinks it is. Parents have bad judgment all the time, and their relationship doesn’t hinge on her parent’s approval. Over and over again, throughout years of a relationship, the partner refuses to meet her parents.

Forgetting and Denial

Gaslighting can start with simply denying something the victim knows to be true. For example, a woman might tell her partner that she is going to make them dinner when they get home. The partner acknowledges and thanks the woman, and comes home that evening excited about their home-cooked meal. When questioned, the woman tells her partner that they never said they would make them dinner. The gaslighter may even go one step further to ask the partner to make dinner instead.

When Rosemary tells her friends about this pain, they grow concerned and tell her to get a second opinion. She also finds that when she stops drinking the drink, the severe pain goes away. So Rosemary makes an appointment with another OBGYN and tells him the horrors of what she’s experienced, but her husband, neighbors, and previous OBGYN find out about her seeking a second opinion. They tell her she’s crazy and to start drinking the drink again.

(If you’ve managed spoilers so far and don’t want to know the ending, skip to the next example!)

Don’t Worry Darling

Alice believes something is off, and the creator of the town confirms her suspicions when they speak privately. But in public, he denies their conversation. It isn’t until Alice keeps pushing further that she realizes the truth about this not-so-idyllic town.

The Stepford Wivesis another example of a movie that uses gaslighting to keep women protagonists from realizing the truth about their situation.

There are plenty of subreddits that discuss what gaslightingisand what it isn’t. Not all of these subreddits talk about relationships or marriage, either. Ex-members of religious groups or cults may also discuss ways that gaslighting from authority figures kept them in the organization.

Here are some examples of gaslighting from theMarriage subreddit:

“My ex husband used to gaslight me about everything. We would be arguing and I would ask him to calm down and quiet his voice and then he would smash something or throw something against a wall and shriek “I AM CALM!!!” Then go on to blame his reaction on me for insinuating he wasn’t calm to begin with, and that his reaction was indeed calm and reasonable.

Feeling denial or telling a person how they feel is something I view as gaslighting. I suffered from crippling depression and my ex husband would pick arguments with me for not getting out of bed, saying that I laid in bed all day because I didn’t care about him or his feelings. He would also insist that the reason I put any effort into my appearance at all, ever, was to get the attention of other men.”

I hated myself and went to the doctor begging for them to fix me because I was ruining my relationship, and he is now dating the girl he was trying to hide so much. It’s really fucked up when you’re so far into gaslighting that you breakdown in front of someone to convince them they’re the problem.”

Related posts:Victim Mentality (Definition, Examples, and Help)Alice in Wonderland SyndromeOvert vs. Covert Behavior (Definition + Examples)10 Strange Psychological DisordersJeffrey Dahmer (Serial Killer Biography)

Reference this article:Practical Psychology. (2022, December).Examples of Gaslighting.Retrieved from https://practicalpie.com/examples-of-gaslighting/.Practical Psychology. (2022, December). Examples of Gaslighting. Retrieved from https://practicalpie.com/examples-of-gaslighting/.Copy

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Practical Psychology. (2022, December).Examples of Gaslighting.Retrieved from https://practicalpie.com/examples-of-gaslighting/.Practical Psychology. (2022, December). Examples of Gaslighting. Retrieved from https://practicalpie.com/examples-of-gaslighting/.Copy

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