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But narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a serious psychological disorder that involves patterns of self-centered thinking–but not quite in the way we think. Instead, people with NPD typically have a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, coupled with an excessive need for affirmation, admiration, or acknowledgment.
These needs may come across as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, or demanding. This may manifest itself in professional, personal, and romantic relationships, which can lead to problems that are far more serious and diverse than someone being “a little too into” their own selfies.
In order to help you better understand the disorder, we’re going to dive into the what, why, and how of NPD.
How Does NPD Manifest Itself?
People with narcissistic personality disorder believe they are superior to others and these beliefs are typically not founded in any factual basis. They may try to associate with other people who they view as unique or gifted, which can create a narcissistic feedback loop.
These associations with other “unique” people, whether real or perceived, boost narcissistic individuals’ self-esteem, which is usually fragile or damaged in some way. People with NPD seek attention in order to receive external feedback or ‘proof’ that others think highly of them.
Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder have difficulty handling even the most constructive criticism and are often disproportionately humiliated or empty when they experience an “injury” in the form of criticism, rejection, or defeat.
There is a test to determine one’s own relative narcissism, and its seven tenets may help even the merely curious to understand better what it is that defines a narcissistic personality.
The test has seven strands: authority, self-sufficiency – a belief that you’ve achieved everything on your own – superiority, exhibitionism, exploitativeness, vanity and entitlement.
All of these strands connect to highlight a disturbing underlying theme in NPD: most narcissists strive for self-promotion and accolades, which are inherently isolating, while longing for inclusion and acceptance of a more basic and intangible variety–which is typically antithetical to narcissistic behavior.
In short, narcissism is often the exact opposite of its pop culture definition. Even though we are taught that narcissism is an excess of self-love, it is typically an external-facing coping mechanism for low self-esteem or feelings of low self-worth.
Delusions of Grandeur
Narcissistic people are typically resistant to changing their behavior because of their intolerance for criticism. Instead of hearing even genuine concern about how their behavior is affecting them, narcissists prefer to turn the blame on others.
People with NPD are often extremely sensitive and view even concerned and caring input as personal attacks, which ultimately leads even friends and relatives to generally assuage narcissists’ behavior instead of offering feedback that results in anger or coldness.
People with delusions of grandeur typically believe themselves exceptional in ordinary circumstances. You can almost invariably envision the type of person who demands to speak to a manager after the most minor inconvenience or mixup or who goes on self-righteous tyrades about how they won’t stand for rather average errands or wait times–typically because they perceive themselves as far more special and exceptional than they actually are.
The 5 Types of Narcissist
In 1996, apsychologistnamed Theodore Millon identified and defined five different types of narcissistic behavior. Any individual with narcissistic personality disorder may display zero, one, or multiple of the following behavior types:
These variations of narcissism are relatively recently defined and not always used in the medical realm, but they can help the observer parse through behavior that may not strictly align with traditional definitions of narcissism but that still fits an overall pattern of narcissistic behavior.
Helping Those With NPD
A key difficulty in successfully dealing with narcissistic personalities is that people with NPD do not like hearing anything negative about themselves–especially not that they are narcissistic or thatanyoneperceives them that way.
Because narcissism is a complex disorder that is typically associated with low self-esteem and a disconnect with reality, it is unlike many psychological disorders where those suffering ultimately want or appreciate treatment, even if the initial “intervention” is received defiantly or reluctantly.
Narcissists struggle with hearing that they are anything other than perfect, and the suggestion that they may have a relatively major personality disorder is a devastating blow that will likely be met with further denial, delusions, or even rage.
Instead of trying to suggest to narcissists that they may be struggling with a named disorder, concerned parties should consider methods that play into typical narcissistic behaviors.
Consider things like suggesting small things that could improve their success or standing, or even trying to connect them with other respected individuals within the community who may be able to bring them their desired social currency while also directing them towards some form of treatment or counsel.
Psychology Todaynotes:
Treatment for narcissistic personality disorder can be challenging because people with this condition present with a great deal of grandiosity and defensiveness, which makes it difficult for them to acknowledge problems and vulnerabilities. Individual and group psychotherapy may be useful in helping people with narcissistic personality disorder relate to others in a healthier and more compassionate way. Mentalization-based therapy, transference-focused psychotherapy, and schema-focused psychotherapy have all been suggested as effective ways of treating narcissistic personality disorder.
Truly helping those with NPD means communicating in ways that make sense to them, while also being careful not to let them be manipulative or overly aggressive.
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